Hello World

I'm not really a programmer, but I've been around enough programmers to know that the first thing you program is a program that prints the words "Hello World." This is a new beginning for me. My name isn't Tabitha, and none of the other names I use in this blog are likely to be real names. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. I don't want to expose myself. I just need to get out these things.

I'm married and I have a beautiful baby, and I'm likely pregnant with another right now. My husband is wonderful, and we have a lovely house in a small town with good neighbors. If you'd asked me four years ago if this was even possible, I'd have laughed in your face.

Before I begin, I want to say that my family - my parents and siblings - are really good people. Whatever criticism I have of them is of their particular weaknesses or lack of understanding, not of their essence. Each one of my siblings has been there for me in dozens of ways, and my parents have given me a lot more than most parents even think of, both emotionally and financially.

My childhood was overall relatively no worse than anyone else's, and I don't think I have a particular claim on a crappy past. I just think that I haven't been able to let go. Maybe, by posting my story, bit by bit, I will be able to let go.

Since a lot of what is on my mind involves sexual abuse, this blog will no doubt attract perverts. I urge you, if you're reading this to get off, please please realize that everything I write about here has destroyed a piece of my soul in one way or another. The ONLY kind of sex that is acceptable is mutually-desired sex between two adults who are fully competent in every way. If your partner says no, BACK THE FUCK OFF. Otherwise, I hope you'll be put in a jail cell with a very large man who will allow you to experience abuse from the perspective of the abused.

I'm going to have to tell a certain amount about me. I ask you, though, if you think you recognize me in these posts, please... keep it to yourself. I don't want to be known. Not here.

A few things about me that are very relevant to this blog:

I suffer from Bipolar disorder, and often the downswings bring me to the things you'll find here on this blog.

I am a military brat, and the moves I made in my childhood influenced a lot of my life. I grew up in times and places where there was a very strong focus on discipline, and corporal punishment of children was considered the norm. I do not blame my parents for using corporal punishment. They were a product of the environment they lived in. I'm sure that today, they wish they'd done differently.